Give MORE. Not less.
As you use declarative language, I am sure you have noticed that it does not always work as you hoped. For example, maybe you say, “Oh look! Grandma is here!” and your child doesn’t respond. Or, you say – “Huh! I see some dirty clothes on the floor” and your child looks toward them but doesn’t put them in the hamper as you wished they would.
I want you to know this is okay – and expected.
Although declarative language gives kids opportunities to infer, make decisions, and problem solve, it should never be about “getting” kids to do something. Kids gradually assuming more responsibility and engaging authentically with others are often the natural results of declarative language, but these things should not be our focus. Especially when getting started.
Instead, our first goal is to give. That’s it.
We want to use Declarative Language to:
Help kids become aware of information that they may not notice otherwise.
Positively guide them on what to do when they are unsure.
Support them to join something in a way that feels comfortable to them.
Gain an awareness and appreciation for who they are as learners and communicators.
So, when you make a declarative statement and it seems to fall flat, what can you do next?
It’s easy once you get in the habit: Give more!
Make another declarative statement that further guides, provides information, share memories or future plans, or that helps the individual feel comfortable. And, enlist co-regulation to create partnerships.
Again -- when you are stuck, always give more. Please don’t default to asking questions such as “What should you be doing right now?”. These types of statements try to “get”, rather than give.
Here are some examples of how to scaffold a declarative statement, where you continue to give and guide, using more DL statements and/or co-regulation:
“Oh look! Grandma is here!” ….. (wait 10 seconds for processing time) …. I remember she loves when you say hi, wave, or give her a hug. We can walk over to her together if you’d like.
“I see some dirty clothes on the floor” … (wait a few seconds for processing time) … if we put them in your hamper, they’ll be ready on laundry day. Let’s do it as a team. I’ll pass each item to you, and you can toss it in!
“I’m wondering if you have math homework tonight” … (wait to allow for processing time) … I remember you always write your homework in your planner. Let’s get your planner and take a look together.
These are just some examples to get you started thinking in this way. The important thing to remember, is to use a combination of declarative statements and co-regulation to find that just right balance of giving, guiding, and partnership.
This idea is SO important to all of what we are creating, that I’ll focus on it next Sunday too. Come back then for visuals capturing this concept and examples!
Have a great week!