I Remember…

One of my favorite things to do with declarative language, is to share memories. I’ve been thinking about this recently because I am catching up with kids who I maybe haven’t seen in a little while due to summer scheduling and vacations. It is so nice to be back together and remember our past shared experiences.

When I generously share what I remember about kids with them, I see how it immediately helps them feel positive emotions. They feel comfortable because I am reducing language demands and any pressure to speak or come up with an answer that they may not have at their fingertips. And, I see them feel happy, and at times proud, as I create a joint attention opportunity around our shared memory. They smile, their face lights up, and they know they are important to me because I remember something special about them. This in-the-moment connection is the best! From this place, kids often then chime in, verbally or nonverbally, continuing our exchange by adding to what I have said in a meaningful way.

Some examples for me from this week…

𝐼 𝑟𝑒𝑚𝑒𝑚𝑏𝑒𝑟 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑦 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒𝑑 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑔𝑎𝑚𝑒 𝐻𝑢𝑛𝑔𝑟𝑦 𝐻𝑖𝑝𝑝𝑜𝑠. 𝐴𝑛𝑑 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑏𝑙𝑒𝑠 𝑡𝑜𝑜! 𝐼 ℎ𝑎𝑑 𝑓𝑢𝑛 𝑝𝑙𝑎𝑦𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑙𝑎𝑠𝑡 𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑒 𝐼 𝑠𝑎𝑤 𝑦𝑜𝑢. 𝐼 𝑟𝑒𝑚𝑒𝑚𝑏𝑒𝑟 𝑤𝑒 𝑟𝑜𝑙𝑙𝑒𝑑 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑏𝑙𝑒𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑟𝑜𝑢𝑔ℎ 𝑎 𝑡𝑢𝑛𝑛𝑒𝑙 𝑡𝑜 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝐷𝑎𝑑!

𝑇ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑙𝑜𝑜𝑘𝑠 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒 𝑆ℎ𝑖𝑚𝑚𝑒𝑟 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑆ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑒! 𝐼 𝑟𝑒𝑚𝑒𝑚𝑏𝑒𝑟 ℎ𝑜𝑤 𝑚𝑢𝑐ℎ 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑜𝑠𝑒 𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑠. 𝑌𝑜𝑢’𝑣𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑢𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝑚𝑒 𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑚.

𝐼 𝑟𝑒𝑚𝑒𝑚𝑏𝑒𝑟 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑑𝑟𝑎𝑤. 𝐼 𝑎𝑙𝑤𝑎𝑦𝑠 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑠𝑒𝑒𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑎𝑟𝑡𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑘!

𝐼 𝑟𝑒𝑚𝑒𝑚𝑏𝑒𝑟 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑦 𝑔𝑜𝑜𝑑 𝑎𝑡 𝐶𝑜𝑛𝑛𝑒𝑐𝑡 𝐹𝑜𝑢𝑟! 𝐼 𝑎𝑙𝑤𝑎𝑦𝑠 𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑛 𝑛𝑒𝑤 𝑠𝑡𝑟𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑔𝑖𝑒𝑠 𝑤ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝐼 𝑝𝑙𝑎𝑦 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑦𝑜𝑢!

This type of positive exchange, and the validation kids feel when someone truly knows and loves them for exactly who they are, also lays the groundwork for deeper relationships.

And this all can be done with trust in declarative language! When we get comfortable giving generously, and we “get rid of the get”*, great things happen!

*Dr. Steven Gutstein used the phrase, “get rid of the get” during my RDI® Training. He was the first person to really teach me the idea of giving generously to kids – information, ideas, knowledge, memories, and openness – while letting go of the notion that we must “get” something from them in return (e.g., an answer, a word, a specific action, compliance, etc.). Embracing this idea, in my opinion, is THE most important shift for us to make.

Have a great week!

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