A Just-Right Challenge

Has anyone had to wait in a long COVID-19 testing line recently with their kids? Me too. I can’t believe how well my boys managed it, but because they did, I was reminded of an important concept that I talk about in 𝐶𝑜-𝑅𝑒𝑔𝑢𝑙𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝐻𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑏𝑜𝑜𝑘.

Sometimes it can be hard for kids to regulate because what we are asking them to do is too hard. They don’t feel competent and those fight/flight responses kick in.

However, sometimes the opposite is true: what we are asking them to do does not challenge their mind 𝑒𝑛𝑜𝑢𝑔ℎ, and they feel bored. For my boys, these instances manifest as fidgetiness, generally nudgy-ness towards each other, and the sillies (big time!). Finding that just right challenge for kids is always important, regardless of whether we must scale back, or take things up a notch!

So, back to waiting in line. Not knowing how long we would need to wait, I packed some non-electronic things to help pass the time (because we all need “tools” while waiting in line, right?). Well, our waiting lasted almost 2 hours, and I was blown away with how well the boys stayed regulated for most of this time. As I reflected on why, I realized it was because one of the activities was a “just right cognitive challenge” for them. Meaning: it engaged their minds at a place that they were challenged, yet ultimately successful (with little to no help from me), as long as they persisted.

Let me give you the details! For Christmas, we received a book called Find the Cat! On each page, a cat is carefully hidden. Some pages are easy-ish, and some are really hard! As a family, we passed the book around, page to page, as we each “found the cat”. In fact, we each were reluctant to put the book down or turn the page, before finding the cat. What I also loved, is that my boys were better at this activity than I was. So, when I struggled, it offered them a wonderfully competent role as “hint giver”, until we all were successful.

There, are many similarly themed activities out there, which you could choose from based on your child’s interests. For example: Hidden Pictures, Spot the Difference, Word Scrambles, Which One Doesn’t Belong, Word Searches, Sudoku….etc.

But what this family experience really highlighted for me was (1) the joy and pride kids experience when we find a “just-right challenge” for them and (2) how an activity that hits this sweet spot can be a really valuable “tool” as well.

What is a just-right challenge for your child? I would love to hear about it in the comments!

Have a great week!

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