Gratitude and Co-Regulation in Action!

Last week I talked about how we can use co-regulation to scaffold new learning opportunities, and transfer increased responsibility, a little bit at a time - over time - to our kids.

This week, with Thanksgiving upon us, I thought it would be a nice chance to show this process at work as we support kids (and ourselves for that matter!) in expressing gratitude, while offering you examples of different co-regulatory patterns (i.e., ways to create competent, authentic, contingent roles with our kids).

Knowing how important (and backed by research) gratitude is, in creating positive mindsets and happiness overall, our family has been making entries in a gratitude journal since the boys were little (or, as we call it, “Our Thank You Book”). Now, before you think we do it all – I want you to know that we sometimes go for months not writing in it because life is busy, or we have forgotten! But my goal is always to get something in there once a week or couple of times a month if we can.

When we started this book, the boys couldn’t yet write. Therefore, the competent role for them at the time was the “tell-er” or “say-er”, and our contingent role was to be the “scribe”, or “writer”. We assumed responsibility for that part of the process because it wouldn’t have been a competent role for them. A little later, as the boys became interested in markers, they became the “draw-er” in their own way. They would tell us what they were thankful for, add a scribble or perhaps sketch, and we became the “caption-er”, capturing their spoken words and intent on the page. Fast forward a few more years, and they are now the writers of their own messages. Our co-regulatory pattern has changed, but we still have contingent roles of “I write my message, and then you write yours.” We also sometimes have a role of “reader”, for the person interested in reading all of the thankful messages aloud.

So, remember: Using Co-regulation to scaffold new learning opportunities is not hard once you get started! Spotting that competent role for each child becomes easier as you get in the habit of thinking, “What could my child do right now on their own (with just a little bit of time and/or a little bit of help)?” Competent roles are ALWAYS right there for us to discover.

And let’s not forget declarative language! As you use DL with this specific activity, it can be really fun to honor, embrace and enjoy the unique things your kids come up with that you maybe didn’t see coming. I have added some photos here for you, so you can see some that made us smile or laugh, and how the boys’ roles have changed over time.

Have a great Thanksgiving …. I am grateful for all of you and our growing community!