When They Need (or Want) Very Direct Language

Today I want to talk about more direct language.

This may be language for our concrete learners, or it may be language for individuals who prefer us to not beat around the bush (and would like us to tell them what they need to know in the most direct way possible).

I want you to know that you can most certainly use declarative language, or a combination of declarative language and co-regulation, to be direct.

I also want to explain not only HOW to do this, but WHY it is important.

At its most basic level, a declarative statement is used to share experiences and share information.

Yes, as learners grow in their sophistication of language use, we can use declarative language for higher level processes such as inferential thinking, problem solving, perspective taking, and more.

But at its heart, declarative language is about being present in the moment and sharing information at the level where our learner can receive it.

When we are using declarative language and co-regulation effectively, we are mindful to:

• Adjust our language complexity to the learner we are with. This means we are adjusting things like:

  • the length of our utterance

  • the vocabulary we are using

  • how abstract we are being

  • whether we are speaking in or out of context.

• Communicate our message with the intention to share, guide, or invite. Not demand.

• Meet our learner where they are in the moment – both developmentally and in relation to their self-regulation.

• Use nonverbal communication along with our physical presence to strengthen our emotional connection to each other, while also supporting comprehension.

Furthermore, when we use declarative language and co-regulation together, we are in tune with our learner so that we recognize when we need to break things down a bit more (#6 on our Guiding Principles).

For example, we recognize our learner’s verbal or nonverbal cues that indicate they are unsure or don’t understand what we mean.

They may visually reference us with uncertainty, they may say something that seems tangential to us, or they may have a fight/flight/freeze response because they do not feel competent.

This is the beautiful dance of true co-regulation and being in sync with our learner moment to moment: We communicate a message, observe their feedback, and then respond in kind.

What I love most about declarative language is that it connects us to each other, while sharing important information.

Imperatives will NEVER do this, no matter how direct they are.

Even our concrete learners, who most certainly may need us to break things down, need the connection that declarative statements bring. In fact, I would argue that they need it even more because life can be especially hard or confusing to them.

Here is where the nuance comes in:

We may need to pace how and when we share information, or balance our declarative statements with silence, and add additional scaffolds for comprehension (such as co-regulatory partnerships or gestural cues).

BUT, be assured that we can always continue to use declarative statements to guide and connect, no matter what*, and no matter with whom. And, in doing so, we will ensure our learners continue to feel competent, connected and understood.

(*Note: Imperatives can be important when safety is involved. Please see Chapter 9 of Declarative Language Handbook: Is it Ever Okay to be Imperative? for more on this idea).

I want to give you some examples of how to speak in way that is connecting and declarative, and also direct, but first a quick review of Imperative Language.

Imperative language is very direct – yes!

But imperatives place demands and do NOT provide any additional information that invites individuals to connect.

Nor do they offer information about the social context at hand. Imperatives alone may be easier to understand in some cases, but they do not bring nearly as much to the table as declarative statements.

Imperatives are direct, but they also isolate the learner, and ignore that there is a connection at all.

So, here are some example declarative statements that you could say to a concrete learner, or that communicate messages directly when that is the preference of the learner. For each set of statements, additional scaffolds, such as co-regulatory partnerships, processing time, and/or gestural cues, are included because often these are needed, and this is where the nuance comes in.

I will also pair each declarative example with an imperative statement, so you can truly appreciate the difference. Here we go…

Imperative: Don’t touch the stove.

Declarative: Let’s not touch the stove. It is very hot, and you might get hurt.

Imperative: Hold my hand.

Declarative: I want you to hold my hand in the parking lot so we are safe + outreached hand + processing time.

Imperative: Stand up.

Declarative: It’s time to go to lunch. Let’s stand up and walk to the door + an outreached hand to invite partnership + a guiding gesture towards the door + processing time.

Imperative: Throw that away.

Declarative: This is trash. You can put it in the trash can, right over here + a gesture.

Or

Declarative: This is trash. Let’s put it in the trash can together + contextual cue/co-regulatory partnership of bringing the trash can close to the learner + a gesture into the bin + processing time.

Imperative: Open the door.

Declarative: Mom is carrying a heavy bag! Let’s hold the door open together to help her + contextual cue of holding the door in place + a gesture to help the learner know where to put their hands.

Imperative: (writing an email): Hit reply.

Declarative: Let’s write back to Hillary! She’ll like that. You can hit reply right here + gestural cue or a cue with the cursor.

Do you feel and see the difference? Please tell me you do! I I will continue to offer examples as I can, to help make this distinction.

Let’s keep this in mind

With our concrete leaners, and our learners who prefer more direct language, declarative language remains important. When WE put forth the effort, and nuance, to communicate in a way that is both connecting and provides the extra learning scaffolds our learner needs - it results in - connection.

And true emotional connection is THE most important learning tool of all. 

Have a great week!

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