Competent, Authentic, Contingent Roles Around Your Holiday To-Do’s

The holidays are coming …  And they always seem to come up so fast! For me anyway.

To help with my own overwhelm, I often try to remember that there are many roles where I can include the boys. As I have done this, I observe them remember routines year to year, feel ready take on greater responsibility as I transfer it to them, and we all form positive shared episodic memories about this time of year.

The next time you are about to do a holiday to-do on your own, perhaps instead you could stop and consider:

Is this a routine, opportunity, process, etc. where I could include my learner, by carving out competent, authentic, contingent roles*?

If you can swing it, I think you will be happy that you did!

Why? Because you will:

• Create positive social connections where your learner feels competent and successful.

• Build opportunities to transfer responsibility over time. These patterns repeat year to year, and it is never too early – or too late - to offer a competent role!

• Build skills that will come up at other times of the year in similar but different ways.

Here are a few examples, along with additional food for thought, related to episodic memory.

1. Wrapping presents: Begin by assigning a competent role such as “wrapping paper chooser”, “tape holder”, “cutter”, “paper holder”, or “bow placer.”

Only you will know what will be competent for your learner. Start there!

Then consider…

Similar but different opportunities throughout the year: You likely will have the opportunity to repeat this pattern in the near future - for example: when it’s time to wrap a birthday gift, get ready for a wedding, or celebrate another occasion.

2. Wreath hanger up-per: To start, your learner may simply hold the wreath in place (“holder”) while you get the hook just right. But over, time you can offer roles related to securing the hook or even deciding how to center the wreath just on a door.

Importantly: We never do all of this at once. Rather, we are always envisioning where we will be able to head in the future, BECAUSE we are doing this today. We are always thoughtfully balancing the past, present, and future, which is really fun to do, once you get in the groove!

Then…

Similar but different opportunities throughout the year: hanging up a picture, a mirror, coat hooks, kids’ artwork, you name it!

3. Holiday cards: Beginning roles may be envelope sealer or stamp placer. Over time, you may invite your learner to write a zip code or even their return address. Start at the place that will feel most interesting to them.

Then..

Similar but different opportunities throughout the year: The mail is always there! Because so much of our lives is on-line these days, holiday cards can offer our learners the opportunity to observe the process of addressing an envelope and placing the stamp. (I remember this is where my kids learned how to do this!) 

Bottom line: Have your radar on for opportunities and small moments to include your learner in competent roles, within authentic moments. These really don’t have to take very long, and the effects are lasting.

Have a great week!

*Competent, Authentic, Contingent Roles is what Co-Regulation Handbook is all about. Here is how I define each of these terms:

Competent: Our learner can do it on their own, as long as we give them a little bit of time and/or a little bit of help.

Authentic: The role is real and meaningful. Not contrived.

Contingent: The process is done in partnership. We need each other to get the job done.

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