Last week, I introduced a framework to adjust your level of support when using declarative language and competent-authentic-contingent roles (how I define co-regulation in Co-Regulation Handbook), along with an example. As promised, here is a one page visual of this framework:

And here are two examples of what this process might look like for two difference scenarios. You can download and print each for easy reference.

Making Lunch (We covered this last week!):

2. Managing Screen Time (Thank you to Michelle for this request!)

As you incorporate these ideas, it is critical to keep in mind that this is not a quick fix or trick to try, but a narrative (your narrative!) that will unfold over time. This framework is successful only when we move from GET to GIVE, meet our learners where they are at - developmentally and in each moment - identify a competent role, and create partnership from there. This is why I wrote Co-Regulation Handbook right after Declarative Language Handbook: We NEED both sets of tools. It is a dynamic process where you can feel empowered to make thoughtful decisions that are right for you and your learner in each moment, and adjust your level of support accordingly.

I also know we ALL want to be at Step 4 (like, yesterday!), but if you are jumping in at Step 4, and it is not working or you feel a power struggle, chances are you need to back up to Step 1 or Step 2. At those beginning steps, you are breaking the process down a bit more for your learner who may need it, and taking the time to establish a positive connection around this pain point. Things usually feel good to everyone at Step 1 and Step 2, and this is what will build the foundation from which you move forward together.

(Note: As you work to find that balance between making changes that feel uncomfortable to your learner while staying emotionally connected, this post on how to set limits in a thoughtful, respectful way may help.)

Last, here is a blank template for you to give this a try with your own ideas and routines: